but for now we are young...

Last night I went to Storrs to see Jen in Anything Goes. It was really impressive I must say. Like professional quality. Lovely costumes and singing and tap dancing. Spencer was awesome and this Angela girl reminded me of Bette Midler despite being dreadfully sick. I loved how Jen was taller than everyone. It draws attention to her, which is cool. I tend to feel self conscious about my height on stage now and then, but she pulled it off. I love having tall friends. The air conditioning was broken so it was hot in there. I feel bad for the ppl on stage with the costumes and lights and moving about. Everyone was dripping, but I found it quaint.

I woke up at freakin 6 am today cuz i leave for Appalachia in an hour! We loaded up the 4 vans yesterday. I hope it is fun and that I connect with these people. At the end yesterday we gathered into this circle to pray and I realized that these Methodists are more religious than Episcopalians. They were all trance like and thinking they were directly talking to 'God' and I couldn't help from looking at everyone around the circle (instead on closing my eyes and looking at the floor). I restrained cracking up. I agree with the values and sense of good doing and community and all, but do we really need all the hocus pocus?

These past couple days i've been unable to stop thinking about time and age. Actually unable is the wrong word, for i am able to control whatever i want to control, but it's quite interesting to notice when unexpected feelings pop in. I think this whole children's counseler thing has spark it's return. Every night this week I turned into one of the 6 year olds, giving literally dozens of piggyback rides and playing with all the kids. Mrs. Hooper had to wait for me to stop talking with everyone almost as often as she had to wait for the children to be quiet. There were about 10 of the kids who clung onto me most. It's challenging dividing my time and attention to all of them at once. I never want any of them to feel neglected or left out. I've been randomly getting glimpses of what these kids might be like in high school. It's so weird to think about. Some of them I can imagine, such as the adorable, stylish little Chloe, or the obviously potential fox Austin, or the flirty, outgoing Hayley, or the quiet, shy boys. But for now, they are all on the equal playing field of childhood innocence. They all have so much ahead of them that will shape who they are and what kind of people they will become. I observe the oldest of them, the 10/11 year old boys who are constantly loud and violent and laugh about the most immature things and have an obsession with violence and acting out to look cool in front of their friends. boys will be boys i thought. then i realized that these are what guys my age and older might have started as, and i just lose hope in the male race. and honestly, i know quite a few guys that havn't grown much from that phase. The girls all seem much more polite and cooperative. I hope I get a daughter and not a son. I felt just so unguarded and blissful around the kids. Chloe and I had a random disco dance party alone in the Parish Room with me being the rotating disco ball and singing 'Stayin Alive' in my awesome fake Bee-Gee falseto. I'll miss those kids, but I'll see them in church (back in the fall...my family doesn't go in the summer).

To contrast with this reconnection with my childhood, Thursday on the bus home from Hall I got that 'too mature for my age' sensation that randomly consumes me in certain settings. I normally get it while in hallways at school, observing the interactions and conversations of those around me. On the bus I just had Neutral Milk Hotel playing in my ears and Nea wasn't there that day, and I was too tired to deal with Alex's boyish immaturity and I didn't feel like talking to Chad, or anyone for that matter, cause i was in my metacognitive mood. And then, on a sudden whim, I grabbed out my pad of paper and a pencil from my purse and started writing poetry. It's crazy how randomly inspiration comes. You gotta grab hold of it before it flees away. I'm sure some people found it odd that some girl was writing on the school bus, but who cares. It was very peaceful. And when I felt done, I returned to the childish conversations around me and went back to feigning immature acquiescence.

Yesterday on the bus was good. I had gotten some much needed sleep. I re-connected with my neighbor Cally after many years and got her and alex's and julia's screennames and numbers so i can stay in touch with my neighborhood friends. I was invited to go swimming at the lake, but had to pack. And I must go get ready now. I'll be back on the 24th. See you all later friends.